i spoke too soon

it's 5am, i spoke too soon, i've been awake since 1am and i got up, i laid back down at 2am, i've been in pain since 3am, i cried at 4am, i went ahead and got back up at 5am. my vision is blurred as usual and it hurts to sit. i've taken my meds a little early but it does not matter. the only reason i do take them is because i am scarred that they may actually be working. i have enough booze to make the pain go away for a while, but i won't use it, i never do. the doctors won't give me anything stronger because they say it's going to get a lot worse. i started this site so that i could complain without driving my friends and family nuts. it took a turn towards faith and i thought that it might be a good idea if i kept track of my pain and my faith together so i won't forget. i get mad almost everyday, i curse and i swear and i damn all things holy and not. i get over it and i calm down. i never forget about god, he is with me always, especialy when i'm at my worst. i just need to remember to thank him when i'm at my best

"Dear God, I admit that I am a sinner. I've tried to do things my way, but I can not get to Heaven on my own. I am sorry for my sins and I ask for Your forgiveness. I invite Jesus to be my Savior and be in control of my life. I accept the gift of salvation by faith and intend to serve God with my life."
In Jesus' name. Amen.

it's good friday. do you know the meaning of good friday?